My Role as a boyfriend~

I am jealous, I am angry & I think one day I will just explode all this feelings out~
I am jealous of my girl being so close to my friend, time spent more than me, talk more than me.
Whenever talk about him, her expression change, suddenly so enthusiastic to carry on talking, always replied things so fast & confident like she know him so well, understand him so much better than me.
I just wonder if there is people asking about me, did she do that too?

I just felt like she is more happy with him than with me, they do more things compared to me & my girl.
Just met up with my friend, he mention about going F1 with my gf.
I was hot immediately, but i control , i calm myself down while still talking to him.
Try to recall if she have told me she went to F1 with him...... but i guess she have told me before long time ago.So after that, I calm myself down & let all the anger slowly gone~

This is the feeling I feel now but there is one thing over here, that is I do not want to lock her freedom so tight than she cant breath..... I do not want to control her life..
So instead of telling her... i keep this secret & force myself to suck it all up, one more reason is that the guy is really a good one that I used to trust....
But now it just always make me feel suspicious, & a but i believe my gf and my friend can be trust.

It just don't know why, I don't feel the trust in between this r/s ....instead, I am like cheating myself and forcing myself to trust this r/s, believe in her.

Felt bad that she want to accompany me on yesterday and i rejected her & said things that make her replied me saying that she is making unreasonable reason....Sry
Replying those answer just wanted to end the conversation with me ....& etc...
But the real reason is i don't mean any other things & I really want her to study~
Plus we really need to take a break between us due to the stupidity of me mentioning about the signing on thingy to her. Some more I was not explained clearly that have cause her to mislead what I am thinking about...
Misunderstanding~

There is times whereby I care about her, told her....
She felt irritated, she felt frustrated
Always showing that the method she do is correct, she is right
Then answering me that she is stubborn one....etc...
The thing is i really care for you, but you don't bother ,you give me attitude instead~
I hope .....I really hope that she can change this attitude.
Nobody is born to be stubborn in this world but instead everyone are born & to choose if they want to be stubborn or not~
I believe taking people negative comment about yourself don't feel good because me,myself I don't like to hear that too. I felt super offended when people say their comment about me.....
what i can say is.... who like to be judge?

NOBODY~
So is your choice to choose to accept & change
OR
To angry with the person and ignore what the person said......

Have you though about this?
Why do people even bother to comment about you,telling you all these?
REASON IS ~
THEY CARE ABOUT YOU !!!
THEY WANT YOU TO BE BETTER!!!
But after trying & trying, I have chose to be someone like this.....
It will be easier if you were to learn to accept what the person is than to comment,enforcing the person to change to the attitude that you want.Instead of pushing the blame to others, why not you blame yourself & take the initiative to change?

Ever since I got my girlfriend till now I have learnt to not putting blame onto anyone else,instead I should force myself to accept all the negative things about the person & just get over it.
I will try to say for the first few times, i will really try, but once the number of times I have said, make the person irritated & got me, myself tired, unhappiness between the person & me, I will just keep quiet , never mention about it again, suck them all up myself.
Why do I even need to bother if the person don't even care about themselves & treat what I said like as if I just want to find trouble with them?

Guess the reason my girlfriend & I got so sad,disappointment this week is because i suck it all up too much from the start till now.
Hope that the following day will be better each day~ 

Live firing + Army talk + Emotional !!!~

This week was a tiring week whole day continuously 2 days firing from 7am-10pm and a cleaning riffle from 9am-8pm..
Live firing was interesting and fun but the waiting time was like "WTF?" , Lucky there was a "ninja van"? they named it to sell us tidbits,drinks & etc.... And i 2 days chiong-ing the roller coaster that look like a ring shape tidbits.... Felt like it have affect my 2.4km performance..Sigh~

Army talk was held on this week, Navy & Air force....
$$$ was so exciting and attractive, the bonus that we are going to get if signing on, the rank that will be promoted every year no matter what in order to let the others to get promoted too so you must be promoted .... the system is like good because every increment of rank, your salary also increment.

Was thinking of signing on so that NS can give me scholarship to study Uni, stable life, high income.A super stable job, they will always offer more than what it is in the market price for a degree or diploma holder.
Having said about all this, duno is because of this that got me act so diff now .....
because of the topic of signing on it causes the misunderstanding, a sudden bad headache to her.

To be frank, the feeling now i felt is like i am having a null bullet that is a empty bullet shell that is no bullet to be use to shoot.
I suddenly have the tot of getting a even better gf? More Sexy & pretty? Or maybe to get some "Service"?
Duno why? Maybe is because i have the tot of signing on?
Then with the amount of money i can do all these type of shit?
But why? Why did i even have the tot like this? Is there a reason behind all these?
I guess i always wanted a sexy & pretty girlfriend or maybe wife like those car model our there?

Before all these, she hugged me and she cried, saying she maybe causes by the upcoming exam stress, but why? Real reason behind it, is it actually the missing thing she mention in our r/s?
She fear of me going ocs, because of the missing thing tat is not inside our r/s & she worried that she cannot take it, the 9 month training for me , not able to really talk to me , accompany.
She gave me a feel that although we are close but we are actually very far apart, we dont know what the hell each other is thinking about.....

She mention about taking a break in our r/s, at first i tot was a break up but luckily it was not. But from what i see, my friends who have mention about taking a break in the r/s usually dont end up well, plus i already felt that this r/s is not gg well just that i nvr voice out so i might worry that it will not have a good outcome....

Is it normal to be like this?
Is it normal that every time i talk to her, she give me those replies those reaction that was so boring, express a 0% interest in what i am talking about?
Wanted to hug her when i see her, she just walk pass me...
Wanted to hug her before she board the train, she just walk away...
I tot she would have know hugging at the start and at the end is the regular thing to be done?

Maybe this is r/s? ......

BMT Week 1

BMT have started finally... and i manage to volunteer to be the platoon In-Charge .... :D
First day was half-fk as usual, i guess this is my character...... then no matter what instruction i gave to my platoon, no one will listen. It is all about how you present your instruction to the people "under" you, if you speak with confident... people will feel like listening to you..

As days go on, i felt that being an IC in the platoon getting more and more interesting and enjoying because you are commanding 50 plus people to follow your instructions. My section mate who i always feel like they like unhappy with whatever i do, actually i am wrong, they are the people who are really there to help me by keep giving me feedback .... with them i am able to improve & learn to be an IC. It feel so great when people compliment you that you are doing a good job being a platoon IC :D

Overall,Platoon IC was a fun and interesting role & i felt that i have learn smth new on the first week of BMT.

Moving on....
I felt that I am easily getting jealous of who my girl get close to, i just never wanted to tell her,dont want her to be so restricted to whatever things she do, learning to accept,adapt to this.
Day before bookout, I felt tat i have hurt her by not believing what she said to me(doing things that she dont usually do),feeling that the real reason for this is it because of meeting this particular person?
Question over here, is it normal to feel this way?(Jealous?Or insecure?)
How am I suppose to trust it when you are suspecting smth not right in this?
If she ask me,"so you dont trust me?", how will i answer her?
Answer her ,"I believe", but...... (still with a lot curiousness in mind?)
But problem here is i really dont believe so why must i have to bluff myself to tell her that I "believe"?
Instead of asking, why not use action to prove me that i can believe it?

This is what i feel on that day when i received the text.....
But next day i feel better & i dont feel so paranoid, pessimistic anymore so I guess I am just tired the day before......
Just hope that in future my girl dont get pissed off with me ......by all this shit~

P/S- Days will get better,Life will get happier :D

Happy 5th Month Anniversary

Days together is fast.... and there we are, it is our 5th month anniversary
Recalling what are the things i have gave her since we are together.......

11/3/2013 .... Days we get together, holding hand, sending her home

13/3/2013 .... It was her B'day, she got a small celebration at Haji Lane.I bought a flower, asked help from Daniel to send me to the place, wanted to surprise her 12am sharp at the restaurant that she is celebrating, asking the waiter to bring the flower to her & at the same time make her feel good in front of her friends, but PLAN FAILED! hahaha~ So I bought that flower and wait down her house surprised her and gave her my first kiss :)

1st~ 11/4/2013 .... One day before I delivered breakfast for her at 7.30am to surprise her before i went to work
(Busiest day for both of us)

2nd~ 11/5/2013 .... Together going a short trip to Batam and bought a couple T top

3rd~ 11/6/2013 .... Bought her a couple watch that i bought in KL

4th~ 11/7/2013 .... Bought her a packet of sweets and write her a letter, secretly left on her house table

5th~ 11/8/2013 .... Trips to Batu Pahat, bought her 5 piece of small cake, left it on the study table covered with newspaper cheering her up for the upcoming exam
(This time round she wrote me back a letter) :D

Present and Surprise become lesser & lesser...... Gifts become smaller & smaller & I just hope is not because of the price of the gift matter and is the heart of all those small little gift and things that is expressed on every letter i wrote to her.....

Letter was nothing valuable to you now, but after 20~30years later, u took it out and you recall.... you will realise how precious is all this letter to you :)
Feel it when my Mom suddenly show me all the letter she kept which my both sisters and I wrote to her during her b'day, father b'day,Mother's day & Father's day when we are very young

Long weekend ~

It was Hari Raya and National day~
Booking out at 12pm on wednesday until monday 8pm ~
HAHA~ Long holidays during army~

What a good news i got when i back home & my mum strike first prize of my bike number at night.
So she pay for all my spending for the Batu Pahat trip ~
Day 1 ~ whole family went to pray and have seafood near the temple
Day 2 ~ Having indian food in the morning and went to UK Goat farm
Keep eating and eating ! HAHAH!!!

Most importantly ..... Something happen on the trip.....
I did something stupid, hurt my girlfriend....
It was on the bus while we all waiting to reach the customs, my gf ask me to accompany her because she is Singapore Passport and will need to form up different row, take longer time to go through the passport counter....But when we reached the customs i saw this empty row counter with the light off and there was no Queue so i went to try if there row is able to go through, then i manage to go through......but.... i forgotten my girlfriend who has left alone behind .....that moment when i look back at her, alone Queuing out there i realise, i break her promise, i leave her alone......  even after she keep saying please while we are on the bus....the excitement displayed on her , her smile, the moment of happiness and joy.... all gone ~ it have all left with a very disappointed and sad expression on her face.....
Seating on the bus to Gelang Patah her face display anger,sadness,disappointment & i did try to say sorry even though i know sorry does not cure...
I never forget she told me this...... " U TRY LOR" ( Leaving her behind alone the long Queue at the custom )
She was very angry..... she..... tears......  :(

Looking at her at the moment i feel so hurt i blame myself why did my memory so bad, why do my reaction so slow? WHY??!!
Just feel disappointed in myself~
Telling myself not to make this kind of mistake again~

Perfection is imperfection!

Scorpio ~ a emotional horoscope, maybe horoscope is true.... I was a emotional person ever since secondary school when the puberty stage start......

What to do? Tweet about it?Nope...Can't... i have a girlfriend now, i cannot be so emotional in social media anymore..... If i tweet, all the friends around her will feel like her boyfriend is a emotional freak & might affect her reputation. So..... what's best? haha...Write it down on the blog where nobody know & express everything out :D

(If there is people like me too ~ Cheer Up! :D Don't let the things make you so moody, slowly accept, it learn it and get over it.... lastly just remember this every time when you are down before you sleep..... Tomorrow will be a better day :)) ~ CHEERS) :D

Every time i think that i am perfect .... but the truth is NOT~
Getting into SEG Club make me know myself better....
Getting into a relationship make me know myself even better....
Always thought that i am a person who will be very considerate,caring , generous, happy-go-lucky, discipline , friendly, gentle, calm person.....
Actually... ALL IS CRAP~ Just realized i am more like a person who acting to be one TODAY!
I am a person who is not really friendly, but i am trying to be one.
Person who is caring, considerate?
I guess all is just fake, i am a super selfish guy which i think about myself first more than others...

Generous? NAH~I just want to use that to gain a new or a better friendship ~
Happy-go-lucky?Maybe.... It is just an act in front of everyone,because i know first impression is important so i will act to be good at first? ~.~
Discipline? Alright it just fail badly......examples: food diet, Self physical training ,etc...

One who always trying to act gentle but actually NOT AT ALL~
Lastly..... a very calm person... which is totally NOT~ i easily get angry, hot tempered when something happened... 

I am so selfish that i only care about myself so much that i neglected my girlfriend feelings for my act.... making her feel bad in front of my groups of friends..... making fun of her in front of my groups of friends...etc
I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF~ 
I am very grateful ~ for what I have now...
For who I have you as my girlfriend...
Who treat me so nice, so concern about me, so generous towards me, always trying to understand me, always curious about me, always wanted..... to be with me... & someone who i can really feel the love from :D
Thanks baby~

Whether or not that you will find out this one day, i just want to say this.....
I told you that I am going to be a good boyfriend, I will make it happen one day...
I shouldn't keep having the mindset that you are my first relationship therefore i can make so so so much mistake.....
Baby give me more time ~
Baby don't leave me ~
I need you by my side ~ 

I will keep learning ...keep improving .....keep changing until the stage whereby i am satisfied with myself :)
><

P/S: I LOVE YOU ~

Fall into Love :D

Never forget the days when i got my first girlfriend!!    :)
~ She is ~

Someone who is my SEG Club Junior & she got my attention so much during one of my CCA event, National Day Celebration (NDC). She was in charge of a small game station at block S level 4, can't really remember what's the game like BUT.... i will never forget the Rose Earring she wore on that day & it was that day which we started to talk ~ >.<
She is attractive to me, having tent skin color and with a cheerful character somehow make me keep wanted to approach her and talk to her ..... haha
Then slowly as days passes by ~ i started to follow her on twitter
Then slowly slowly, when i realise the twitter reply me just too fast and slowly lots of people started to talk about our conversation in twitter, i asked her number in twitter private message and we slowly slowly text one another ....
As day passes one by one, we started to have long text ! As in REALLY LONG text that could keep u read and reply back in like 7-10 min times? I enjoy text-ing her and just have unlimited topic to talk to her, there wasn't a girl that i text after months still can text so well one~ haha 

Then slowly slowly again, i jio-ed her & some other people together to jog around the school.... and we jogged in groups for few times...
As time goes on, all the people started to fall out only left she & me running .......
After all these and that happen in between us, i slowly slowly start to keep imagining if she was my girlfriend, and so and so ..... keep thinking about her most of the time ... thinking that should i just go after her? haha

It got me quite some times and i decided not to do go after her due to the experiences in my past, plus she is so attractive, kind-hearted, sporty, cheerful, so confirm there is a lot of chasers i will have to challenge with,so i just treat her like a normal friend , never ask for more... never have the thinking of asking her out for dinner or movie because she really that good that i feel i don't deserve to get her, she wont even will accept to go out with me. In addition, out of so many chasers i have no confident i can beat them all... so i just decided not to do so much and remain our friendship like normal.
As days got more busier when my Final Year Project (FYP) start & a trip to Suzhou & one of my brother used to keep text her, i started to text her lesser .....lesser....... slowly i forget to reply her..... & we stopped text-ing for a period of time ..... about a month plus? ....

.....Then there was this one fine day, i realise i have neglected this friend of mine who used to text who used to jog and who used to talk a lot a lot of things with.... someone who is very nice ~ i start to text her again  :)
But this time round the feeling is so different compare to the past, no longer have that much excitement anymore.... slowly slowly & we stopped text-ing again   :(

So then on valentine's day, i posted something like "Wish all the singles out there, Happy Valentine's Day~ And wish all the singles celebrating alone for the one last time, next year onward you will be attach!"
I don't know is it because of this which somehow got motivated some miracle to happen..... haha she show interest to me, dropping hint and a lot a lot of hint somehow telling me that i am booked for the next valentine's day by her.... i though she was trying to comfort me, joking around with me... i never believe that.... it take me super super super long to accept that..
Reasons....
1- I have met such situation before
2- We like to joke around and I hardly show my seriousness to her at all 

3- She is very attractive and she look quite pretty & cute, some more her character is SUPER AWESOME, SUPER LOVE-ABLE those type therefore i feel there will confirm have a lot people love her, do a lot of things to her so i will never so lucky to be the one chosen by her
4- I don't really look very handsome & i don't really look sexy & that attractive I think
5- I quite emotional & no much self-confident in term of boy girl relationship
6- I have a playboy face that display a feel that i have a lot of EX-girlfriends
7- I used to text a lot of female & maybe i got flirt with them in those messages
8- She give me a feeling that she is so good that i don't believe I got her heart while so many chasers still out there fighting for her heart

9- I never really go jio her like what i did to the past few girl i liked before

Until really quite sometimes i decided to ask her out and see if things turn out to be good..... confess to her after few dates ......So....

It was on 13 March 2013, after work on my first day of work in Massimo Dutti as a retailer assistance while waiting for NS enlistment on 12 June 2013.
I asked her out for a dinner as we have long time not met one another even as a group....
We went to Chomp Chomp to have our late dinner..... chit chating ....
we were just automatically so close that i have never eat my food with my arm so close to the other person who sit beside me, our arm were like stick together ~ she almost laugh at whatever i said to her, really showing interest of me which really make me feel good because i actually love her long ago.... i am just suspecting if my love is real or a crush so i never really do a lot of things to her....
Since it was a late dinner, she will be back home very late, so i decided to offer to send her home by taking the bus to her area....
Then we manage to find two empty seat side by side.... we sat down.... we chatted for awhile.... & i can see that she is very tired.... jogging everyday in the early morning plus night ... sacrifice and accompany me for dinner.... so i was kidding with her saying something that... " If you are tired, I lend you my shoulder!" :D
And.............................. She Straight Away, Never even Hesitate ...... SHE Lay her whole head down on my SHOULDER!!!! .... OMG that's make me go crazy, my heart PUMPING like going to fly out of my Mouth... MY WHOLE BODY WAS LIKE SHIVERING.....STUNNED for like almost 5~7 Stops totally don't know how to do !! What to react!! Breathing out loud! Controlling my heart Beat!
Until awhile later... when i started to cool down a bit, i realise .... i confirmed i have fall for her, no one else can make my heart beat Beat that Fast AT ALL... and not every time have this type of chance, SO... i forget about the idea of  -after few more dates then confess to her-
I USED THIS CHANCE.... Putting my ring that i used to wear everyday & put into her finger..... asking her,"Since we are already in this stage, .... were you willing to be my girlfriend?"
And She answered,"YES! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS LONG LONG AGO!"..
Then we got together......I never forget the moment she accepted me was around 11pm plus & the bus was like driving on a "S" road I was so happy that i don't know how to express...

Then tat's when my love life begins...... :)))))))