Thursday, December 26, 2013

Is that true?

No one like this
No one want to be this
The moment when you got so tired
Someone who get tired so easily
Feel so weak that a girl body are so much stronger than guy
Feel so useless when someone say that the amount of sleep they had is lesser than you yet still so energetic compared to you

Moment your expression changed
Moment I feel that why must you treat me this way
Moment I recall back my feeling & thought when you were in this state
I feel sad, disappointment, feel like just ignore you but I keep told myself not to let this few mins of stubborn thought ruin the future of us, it can be overcome, there is definitely other ways I can do to change this....
So it happen to me now & I worried
I feel sad, I feel like you were to ignore me the next moment
You never try, you just don't talk to me at that point of time
Inside my heart, the feeling of tiredness & sadness ......
I forced myself not to look so shag, so tired as I know how it feel like accompany someone like that for the rest of the day

Glad that at that moment you proved me wrong, you did tried to show concern
You talk to me although it was that little
I felt that I was all wrong again.....
I apologize for being such a spoiler of the day
I appreciate.. I really do appreciate..... realized I have been using this word "appreciate" very often
Because I really do appreciate a lot
Forgive me for the lack of vocabulary
Caused it to be like an ordinary word now

Lastly, you lost patience to me easily nowadays I couldn't know why
Probably I am really deaf, I am really sorry for that
To make you repeat
To make you explain
To make you look like you date with a country bumpkin

Most likely, I myself found that I have many, many, many , many bad points in me...
Found myself far, far ,far ,far away from what I myself expect it to be
Lots & lots of things need to be change...
As I move on it just accumulate more & more & I will never find any goods in me sooner or later due to the amount of bad points that had out numbered the good one in me

(One of my friend in camp share with me this & I find it is so true)
Have you ever come across this ~
You asked a question, someone answer you Yes or No but you were still in doubt?
You stick to what you think is true after all the answer that they gave due to the history of him/her?
You made the conclusion of your own without giving the person another chance to change?

End ~

I love you for what you did...
We face each other more after we got together...
Regardless of how tired we are
The expression of us when we really are
Is either we will see it now or in future
Believe both of us doesn't really know what to do when that happen
It doesn't matter
We slowly learn to react
We have time, we give one another chances, we grow from it
We accept the goods & bad of one another

Things that I can do I tried
Things that you do I felt it
Nobody is perfect yeah?

Bought a new computer after Exercise Centipede

Finally I manage to get my customize computer after so long~
Spent around $1.4k including a 23 inch monitor :)
(Glad that I am able to claim $820 from my Dad company, benefit for the employee to purchase any electronics items each year)

It had also been a long time which I really got the time to update my blog.
Exercise Centipede was a 10D9N in tekong which we were stay at this area called stagmont camp which is the very old type of bunk & we will sleep on the safari bed with air pillow.
During these 10 days, we were learning to do fire tactical movement in section level, basically close combat fire fighting fundamental in section level.
I find it so interesting at first, I got so excited to lead, I love it a lot a lot,at the moment i was imagining if one day really there is a war I will want to lead my man to fight & ensure that they will all be back safety. I felt so confident to lead at the start & I actually volunteer to lead all my section mate for a fire movement drill.
One drill will roughly take up approximately 20 mins. There i go, being a section commander, I was being praise by the commander that our section movement is better now , section is advancing at a good pace, maintaining a good momentum. This lead me having even more confident to lead. After the drill, we were assigned to do 6 mission using all the things that we were taught, I was chosen as one of the section commander, felt so happy that I was given an opportunity again.
This time round, the terrain wasn't that good compare to our training area & my helmet was a burden to me that got me so uncomfortable, keep covering my eye while i run that lead me not able to see enemy, in fact anything that is in front of me & I was shot down by the enemy caused me to failed as an section IC in the station & the section pass.
Moody, disappointment, sadness, got very emotional. No one in the camp actually i am really open up to, I don't feel comfortable to talk to anyone in there.
Lots of careless mistake were made during the exercise, at first I was substitution for my section commander because she was Attend C till day 2 in tekong so I didn't bring along the money that I have collected from my section mate for the last day of Recreation & Relax (R&R) pizza that is $330 for 11 person.
secondly, didn't take good care of my SAW weapon & leave it unattended while I am refilling my canteen & water bag. The person did told me that he shift my weapon because it is blocking him to refill water from the Jerry can, but I have to admit is my own fault that I am not able to muti-task. I did reply him alright but in the end i forgotten.
Thirdly, I leave my Map unattended ( It is important because if you fight a war & the map will usually have some indication of your movement, so if enemy got that in hand, they can roughly know our direction plans & will counter attack it easily)
Next, I leave my assault bag unattended ( Was being blame at first because someone took it, never take good care of it & it had my number on it during declaration while everyone have unpacked, packed & leave the training shed)
Lastly, I took care of one of my section mate Map & I anyhow placed it at someone else assault bag Caused the Platoon IC to worry, because it was me that our Platoon commander instructor got really angry & warned him, giving him one last chance.
Then never forget that I wore the wrong side of my boots. thinking back of all these things that i made, it might feel really bad at that moment but after awhile I felt that all these memory really very memorable for me & is really funny that I didn't realize I wore my boots wrong side after 2 hours later. Hahaha

I learnt something in the exercise that is if you ever met a situation you hesitate & think that if you were suppose to do it or not, you are in doubt.Then make sure you really think wisely of the action you made cause when you are in doubt means something is not right.

I also feel that my English was really a burden now, if I am to carry on to be what I am. It is not going to change, I will never change. I need to do something about it, I am an officer & if I speak like a fool with so many grammar mistake, limited vocabulary it don't reflect well on me to commander my man next time.
I always have difficulties to present what I need to say to all the people in my wing line.