Friday, February 27, 2015

After watching Ah bot to frogman

After watching the movie ah boy to frogman
I got motivated, I feel that I am totally in my comfort zone
I shouldn't complain about the amount of rest I have anymore,
Before every complain is made I will remind myself ,holding back those words and keep inside me

People call me sergeant, people say I don't look like an officer
I can choose not to care, but that's not who I am today
Every single thing that concern me, I will responsible for it
If I don't look like one, I going to prove I am one

I wish I can gain back my health, my fitness
But it seems like resting don't really work, having fitness training ended up making me feel better and don't feel pain or ache in my body
I hope the aching and pain I have is just temporary because it had delayed me for my training for too long , it created another me
I don't like excuses, I prefer to prove with action
That's who i suppose to be

I have been facing the same difficulties since young, I realise how much it affected me now
I am trying, but I really hope I could one day got enlighten
I just want to speak a better and proper English
It is no longer about the causes,the impact but it is more about the remedy to my situation

Guess I started to miss those moment as a trainee in the past

It take one thing to ruin yourself  but it take unlimited things to make yourself perfect
That's where I am suppose to be...

Monday, December 15, 2014

My undefined moment

It was after field camp, I realise that I have been in denial mode ever since I became commander. I was so motivated so interested to lead my own platoon.
I realise my excuses getting more and more, then it accumulate into some lazy mindset I have.

As a commanders, my laziness made me have this mindset
As a PC, I do not need to always appear in front of my platoon.
Less engagement will somehow make the recruits to respect me more and think that I am busy.
I do things behind their back, feel uncomfortable doing certain things yet I still want to do.
I was rushing for things at the last minute because I think that it is too easy to handle
I came up with my own "lazy" style and wanted to influence people with my lazy style
I do shortcut more than anyone else
I feel uncomfortable to participate in the activity because I am not putting in effort and afraid to let recruits see
I try to avoid and always into a stage whereby I daydream doing nothing
I can't handle stress
I always work overtime
I always start my day without any plans
I keep finding excuses and keep whining for the past few months
I came up own bullshit because of laziness
I always have temporary motivation
I can talk better now, more confident to talk now
I am in doubt of my own ability
I am basically dreaming and MAN-MODE-ING for the entire army life after BMT
I am forgetful and compliance
I became someone who can only talk and no longer confident in doing things now
I no longer cares about my health anymore
I don't find the necessary of getting my IPPT GOLD anymore
I realise I got no pride in anything
I only feel that I am lucky to have what I have now
I felt I wasn't who I am
Huge mess in my mind that could not be cleared up and compose properly
Fail to plan ahead,

After-all I am emotion and I got easily affected

I always tell people what I don't use to do
I realise words are million times easier to say now compare to doing it on your own
I find that I am able to identify my cons but I couldn't change it
I am in my comfort zone till the stage that I no longer is thinking
I wasn't using my brain for the past few years

Self-destruction reflection

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Young memory by my Dad

It was 10 years back when I was still in Primary school
When everything look so beautiful to me when I am Young

Every time when my siblings and I have school holidays, my parents will arrange our holidays by either going back to my Mum's hometown or my Dad's hometown to visit all the relatives that are still staying there. I never forget those wonderful moments whereby we do not need to worry about anything but to keep playing for the whole day :D

Moments where all our cousins are young as well, they take care of us and give us the best regardless of toys, games or food. Wake up in the morning and drive us for breakfast, bought us everywhere around the place to let us try the best food in their town.

When I am young, my family and I stayed in Malaysia except my Dad who is working in Singapore trying his best to give us whatever things he can get in Singapore. He worked in Singapore that is twice the amount in Malaysia and because of him , my family was the most wealthy family among all my Mum's Siblings. Everyone around us envy our life and wanted our life. We own a private Terrance house in Gemas, my mum drove a car and my mum share her wealth among her siblings by giving her siblings children things like clothes, games, food. She enjoyed staying with her siblings and she is always very generous to them. My Dad will always travel once a week or once every 2 weeks to visit us.We live a simple life.
When we want to visit our Dad's hometown, he will take train back and drove us all the way to Ipoh which is about 6 hours ride.

Now the car is stolen and the house is stolen, we live in Singapore. I did regret when I first step into Singapore for holidays then ended up staying in Singapore permanently. But now I felt that I am the lucky one who can stay in Singapore to have the best education system, enter into army, be am officer, enter Uni after serving army. I think if I am in Malaysia, until now I believe I will not be able to experience such a wonderful experience in my life ever.
Most important part here is that every time when we go back to Ipoh which is my Dad's hometown, he will always require to work and are not able to come along with us. Then he will always send us to Golden Mile where we took the bus to Ipoh, he will look at us boarding the bus, he will stay after we boarded the bus , wait for us to settle down then walk around the bus trying to look for us outside the bus, knock on the window, smile to us, wave to us till the stage whereby the bus leave the place, then he leave the place. After that, I will be crying because I don't bare to leave him and my Mum will always prepared the tissue paper and console me.

Today while I was sending my girlfriend off to Malaysia with her friend for a short gateaway trip.
After her friend and her boarded the bus, I turned and was about to leave the place and this memorable memory flash pass my mind and I feel like doing the same thing as what my Dad treat me in the past to my girl.
After today, I realise the sentence " Lead by Example", do affect people around you, it does impact a person and it is important. And I am proud to have my Dad to create this experience to me and allow me to pass it down to my loves one.

To Lead To Excel To Overcome - OCS

How many times do I really apply this in my life?

Friday, October 31, 2014

Down time / Recovered time

At point of time, have you ever felt that you are tired?
All the time?
No mater how long you rest, you sleep?
Have you ever wonder why?

From what we know and what we used to think is that resting more will be the best remedy for it,
do you agree?

You are not wrong but it is just one method that we used to know.

Well, let's reflect back of what you have been doing for so far, do you think that you are currently happy with your life now?
Are you enjoying your daily routine now or are you straggling in your daily life now?

What is time?
What is work?
What is rest?

Every single second of contribution that formed time, combine them all together with work and rest you will get working hours and resting hours.
How well are you with your time management?

Are you able to work within your working hour or you always work more than your working hour and eat into your rest time?
Think back of what you do for your rest time? What have you been doing? Are you really resting or you are just wasting your time doing nothing?
NOW think back of your working time, are you really doing your work?

This is all the question you should be asking yourself.
Our mind like to mess our things together, our time make us feel that we are confused.
You know what are the causes of all these?


You have mess up your time in your brain and you will always feel you are confuse with what you are doing,
That is where you feel that you are straggling with your life, you feel stress of you life

It was a public holiday, I feel that my brain my mind is sick, I feel tired of what I am doing now.
I went to library and decided to read a book and I found out that maybe is stress that made me always feel tired, I read a bit and start reflecting about my life now.
I was doubting that I might have a depression now, I felt that maybe I can't cope with what I have now,  I am stressed about my life now.
When I went back to camp I keep asking myself, "Am I really stressed out by what I am doing now, what I have now?"
I ask myself until friday morning when I woke up, I think back and I got an answer!
I AM NOT! IT is my timing that get me all so mess up, all so chaotic inside my brain ! Things in my mind are not composed properly! I told myself I AM NOT HAVING ANY DEPRESSION AT ALL!

Yesterday night I set a goal for me to achieve, that is to wake up in the morning and run.
I was back at 0100Hrs in the midnight and I set my alarm clock at 0530Hrs, I feel that I have been procrastinating for months. I have concluded that I AM! I DID become lazy now.

I have forgotten how I do things now compared to my past. I have become someone who is so good in my planning that I forget how to execute it. Like the NIKE Slogan, "JUST DO IT".
I did wake up but it was not what I planned 0530Hrs but at 0700Hrs.

Then I went to have my run after that.
As I was running I realise my body wasn't that strong anymore, I always thought that I could still run at the timing that I used to have which is 10mins to 10.30mins for 2.4km but it was all wrong. My performance proved me wrong,badly. I ran 12.13mins instead.
Then this is where I got enlighten which I can't think of why does it linked.

I realise that I wasn't stress, my excuses have been too much for the past few months. I always planned too far that I forget to do because all the time in my brain, there are numbers keep generating inside about my future and it keep on calculating, planning the future day by day.
In the other words, people used to say "don't stay in your past and get over it".
For me, my mind stay in the future and have already forgotten about my present now.
For that you become a very realistic person that result you becoming a very pessimistic person,

What I currently is doing now, is about strengthening the mind.
So what I suggest to people who are like me is.
Since it is so worst now that our brain stay in the future, we have to pull it back.
Plan step and execute step by step.
Example instead of planning for everyday waking up at 0530Hrs, you should just plan waking up tomorrow at 0530Hrs only first.
Wake up already then carry to do what you wanted to do.

When you found yourself in the wrong path, never hesitate to correct yourself by walking through whatever obstacle that can lead you back to the correct path.
When we walk we don't usually walked in the pavement, we step into grass to our destination.
If there is a way, just cross it and reach your destination. U-turning back is taking too much of your time and time is precious.



Monday, October 27, 2014

New interest new mind

Woke up again with a new things running in my brain
Curious in finding how much does it take to buy a new HDB flat.
As all the curiosity happen to run pass my mind, the only thing that can provide me all the answer is INTERNET, so I went do research about it.

This is what I managed to find,
4 Room HDB flat approximately $450k in future
Down Payment of approximately $85k is required
Monthly installment of $800~ $1k within 20~35 years

Then, it slowly diverted me to personal loan, education loan, car loan, renovation loan & etc.
I manage to know more & curious about how to be a successful engineer...

Everyday worried and complaint about my life ....
Guess is time to do something about it

I always plan, never execute because I became lazy always come up with new excuses.
I planned too much and I forget how to execute anymore because doing things no longer within what I am doing now. I am more of a person who just need to use mouth and get things done now.
I forget how to hands on anymore, I am only able plan better and even better.
There is a lot of changes to be done and I just realise I am not coping well now and there is a need to do something about it.

From now on, no complain allowed
Other than tolerating all kind of nonsense
Knowing too many things created problems, therefore it is best to know lesser sometimes.

It is my life and I have allowing it to change me instead of claiming back of what I want to do in my life.
"It" refer to the people around me, the environment , the "SYSTEM" that had created in the country.
How far can you see?

It is amazing if you start to aim it now.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Time is about learning

It have been long time that I never really sat down & reflect about myself.
Reflection doesn't really need to be after some incident or something happen in your life, it all about being able to know who you are in the past & what you are now currently.

This morning when I woke up, laying down the bed. I started to reflect about my action and performance for this past 2 months and I realise something.

I guess I am tired of what I am doing now, after being a trainer now. I focus too much on the others and I forgotten about myself, I became more lazy to do my own training, I became more procrastinating on whatever things I planned to carry out. I find out I have been keep changing a lot for my days in army. Something won't change is my courage, I can be confident now but I feel scared at times at anything that I do. I am someone who easily get affected by the people around me. Someone who can't stand firm, someone who always feel that he can't do well in anything that he does but he know what to do. I guess I have been locking myself up in my comfort zone for too long.
Person who have been relying too much on the people around him. Someone who always feel tired but I search from the website and it said that people who are happy in their life will never feel tired. I am in doubt of whether I am living a life that I enjoy now or I am still adapting to it. I personally feel there is too much changes in me, my adaptation changes, my life changes, I feel happy yet unhappy. I always ask for time and I believe time will show, time will tell me the answer but I guess I am wrong. Time will tell you the answer when you know what you want. I know there is definitely more to tell and is all about mood and the mood come from the amount of rest I can get.

Tired is my weakness and I believe it became my excuses too, I shall take action from now on.
The first step I am going to do is I will fixed my time to sleep from 11pm-6am.
This will be my goal for everyday.

Reflection is the power to perform.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Never use busy as an excuses for everything

A friend of mine told me this,
You can busy achieving your dream, but you cannot busy & you forget whats your dream.

We human have the ability to adapt that causes us to change our passion towards the things that we do. But never forget what you wanted before.

It is October now, 8 more months I will be ORD.
Days in army wasn't as bad as I think because it really give us time to relax inside camp.
Can't imagine what I really want after ORD, can't wait for ORD yet can't decide what to do after ORD. 

I realise more things that I do now equivalent more chances of making myself feel embarrass in front of the people. 

After all, it is just English that is enough to ruin my future of any single things that I do.
I am lost...
I need more rest..