Friday, August 30, 2013

Greatest achievement in BMT

(Originally: 6.40 pm plus Ferry) ( Incentive for IPPT Gold: 1.30 pm Ferry)
Finally I manage to get a gold once in my life ~
Always though that I will not able to get it & people who can ran with this timing is lunatic, but now, me myself , I am one too~
I am so happy that i am the first person to score Gold in IPPT in my platoon 1 which is like out of 57 people.
People start to respect me even more :)
Also, My IPPT Test was my girl last exam paper for her entire poly life ~ haha :)

Soon it will be my outfield already, it was on next week, from Thursday to Wednesday then to a early book out from Thursday all the way to Sunday.
Days in BMT getting faster & faster and i think that when the day I am graduated(POP), I will never forget these 17 weeks in Pulau Tekong.

P/S: Never limit your ability, everyone can do it.
It is just how hard the person wan to limit themselves to become.

Booked in on Sunday, my ngage phone suddenly was not able to send text message to anyone.
Instead of feeling sad, it was the opposite because I was able to talk on phone with my girl.
We don't use to talk much on phone but we rather just text & text & text.And because of us talking on phone more recently, I felt that we are not longer so strangers anymore. I felt like i have actually plenty of many many many things to tell her, one topic will link to another and so it goes on. :D
Good week inside Tekong (Week 11)

Saturday, August 24, 2013

My Role as a boyfriend~

I am jealous, I am angry & I think one day I will just explode all this feelings out~
I am jealous of my girl being so close to my friend, time spent more than me, talk more than me.
Whenever talk about him, her expression change, suddenly so enthusiastic to carry on talking, always replied things so fast & confident like she know him so well, understand him so much better than me.
I just wonder if there is people asking about me, did she do that too?

I just felt like she is more happy with him than with me, they do more things compared to me & my girl.
Just met up with my friend, he mention about going F1 with my gf.
I was hot immediately, but i control , i calm myself down while still talking to him.
Try to recall if she have told me she went to F1 with him...... but i guess she have told me before long time ago.So after that, I calm myself down & let all the anger slowly gone~

This is the feeling I feel now but there is one thing over here, that is I do not want to lock her freedom so tight than she cant breath..... I do not want to control her life..
So instead of telling her... i keep this secret & force myself to suck it all up, one more reason is that the guy is really a good one that I used to trust....
But now it just always make me feel suspicious, & a but i believe my gf and my friend can be trust.

It just don't know why, I don't feel the trust in between this r/s ....instead, I am like cheating myself and forcing myself to trust this r/s, believe in her.

Felt bad that she want to accompany me on yesterday and i rejected her & said things that make her replied me saying that she is making unreasonable reason....Sry
Replying those answer just wanted to end the conversation with me ....& etc...
But the real reason is i don't mean any other things & I really want her to study~
Plus we really need to take a break between us due to the stupidity of me mentioning about the signing on thingy to her. Some more I was not explained clearly that have cause her to mislead what I am thinking about...

There is times whereby I care about her, told her....
She felt irritated, she felt frustrated
Always showing that the method she do is correct, she is right
Then answering me that she is stubborn one....etc...
The thing is i really care for you, but you don't bother ,you give me attitude instead~
I hope .....I really hope that she can change this attitude.
Nobody is born to be stubborn in this world but instead everyone are born & to choose if they want to be stubborn or not~
I believe taking people negative comment about yourself don't feel good because me,myself I don't like to hear that too. I felt super offended when people say their comment about me.....
what i can say is.... who like to be judge?

So is your choice to choose to accept & change
To angry with the person and ignore what the person said......

Have you though about this?
Why do people even bother to comment about you,telling you all these?

But after trying & trying, I have chose to be someone like this.....
It will be easier if you were to learn to accept what the person is than to comment,enforcing the person to change to the attitude that you want.Instead of pushing the blame to others, why not you blame yourself & take the initiative to change?

Ever since I got my girlfriend till now I have learnt to not putting blame onto anyone else,instead I should force myself to accept all the negative things about the person & just get over it.
I will try to say for the first few times, i will really try, but once the number of times I have said, make the person irritated & got me, myself tired, unhappiness between the person & me, I will just keep quiet , never mention about it again, suck them all up myself.
Why do I even need to bother if the person don't even care about themselves & treat what I said like as if I just want to find trouble with them?

Guess the reason my girlfriend & I got so sad,disappointment this week is because i suck it all up too much from the start till now.
Hope that the following day will be better each day~ 

Friday, August 23, 2013

Live firing + Army talk + Emotional !!!~

This week was a tiring week whole day continuously 2 days firing from 7am-10pm and a cleaning riffle from 9am-8pm..
Live firing was interesting and fun but the waiting time was like "WTF?" , Lucky there was a "ninja van"? they named it to sell us tidbits,drinks & etc.... And i 2 days chiong-ing the roller coaster that look like a ring shape tidbits.... Felt like it have affect my 2.4km performance..Sigh~

Army talk was held on this week, Navy & Air force....
$$$ was so exciting and attractive, the bonus that we are going to get if signing on, the rank that will be promoted every year no matter what in order to let the others to get promoted too so you must be promoted .... the system is like good because every increment of rank, your salary also increment.

Was thinking of signing on so that NS can give me scholarship to study Uni, stable life, high income.A super stable job, they will always offer more than what it is in the market price for a degree or diploma holder.
Having said about all this, duno is because of this that got me act so diff now .....
because of the topic of signing on it causes the misunderstanding, a sudden bad headache to her.

To be frank, the feeling now i felt is like i am having a null bullet that is a empty bullet shell that is no bullet to be use to shoot.
I suddenly have the tot of getting a even better gf? More Sexy & pretty? Or maybe to get some "Service"?
Duno why? Maybe is because i have the tot of signing on?
Then with the amount of money i can do all these type of shit?
But why? Why did i even have the tot like this? Is there a reason behind all these?
I guess i always wanted a sexy & pretty girlfriend or maybe wife like those car model our there?

Before all these, she hugged me and she cried, saying she maybe causes by the upcoming exam stress, but why? Real reason behind it, is it actually the missing thing she mention in our r/s?
She fear of me going ocs, because of the missing thing tat is not inside our r/s & she worried that she cannot take it, the 9 month training for me , not able to really talk to me , accompany.
She gave me a feel that although we are close but we are actually very far apart, we dont know what the hell each other is thinking about.....

She mention about taking a break in our r/s, at first i tot was a break up but luckily it was not. But from what i see, my friends who have mention about taking a break in the r/s usually dont end up well, plus i already felt that this r/s is not gg well just that i nvr voice out so i might worry that it will not have a good outcome....

Is it normal to be like this?
Is it normal that every time i talk to her, she give me those replies those reaction that was so boring, express a 0% interest in what i am talking about?
Wanted to hug her when i see her, she just walk pass me...
Wanted to hug her before she board the train, she just walk away...
I tot she would have know hugging at the start and at the end is the regular thing to be done?

Maybe this is r/s? ......

Friday, August 16, 2013

BMT Week 1

BMT have started finally... and i manage to volunteer to be the platoon In-Charge .... :D
First day was half-fk as usual, i guess this is my character...... then no matter what instruction i gave to my platoon, no one will listen. It is all about how you present your instruction to the people "under" you, if you speak with confident... people will feel like listening to you..

As days go on, i felt that being an IC in the platoon getting more and more interesting and enjoying because you are commanding 50 plus people to follow your instructions. My section mate who i always feel like they like unhappy with whatever i do, actually i am wrong, they are the people who are really there to help me by keep giving me feedback .... with them i am able to improve & learn to be an IC. It feel so great when people compliment you that you are doing a good job being a platoon IC :D

Overall,Platoon IC was a fun and interesting role & i felt that i have learn smth new on the first week of BMT.

Moving on....
I felt that I am easily getting jealous of who my girl get close to, i just never wanted to tell her,dont want her to be so restricted to whatever things she do, learning to accept,adapt to this.
Day before bookout, I felt tat i have hurt her by not believing what she said to me(doing things that she dont usually do),feeling that the real reason for this is it because of meeting this particular person?
Question over here, is it normal to feel this way?(Jealous?Or insecure?)
How am I suppose to trust it when you are suspecting smth not right in this?
If she ask me,"so you dont trust me?", how will i answer her?
Answer her ,"I believe", but...... (still with a lot curiousness in mind?)
But problem here is i really dont believe so why must i have to bluff myself to tell her that I "believe"?
Instead of asking, why not use action to prove me that i can believe it?

This is what i feel on that day when i received the text.....
But next day i feel better & i dont feel so paranoid, pessimistic anymore so I guess I am just tired the day before......
Just hope that in future my girl dont get pissed off with me all this shit~

P/S- Days will get better,Life will get happier :D

Monday, August 12, 2013

Happy 5th Month Anniversary

Days together is fast.... and there we are, it is our 5th month anniversary
Recalling what are the things i have gave her since we are together.......

11/3/2013 .... Days we get together, holding hand, sending her home

13/3/2013 .... It was her B'day, she got a small celebration at Haji Lane.I bought a flower, asked help from Daniel to send me to the place, wanted to surprise her 12am sharp at the restaurant that she is celebrating, asking the waiter to bring the flower to her & at the same time make her feel good in front of her friends, but PLAN FAILED! hahaha~ So I bought that flower and wait down her house surprised her and gave her my first kiss :)

1st~ 11/4/2013 .... One day before I delivered breakfast for her at 7.30am to surprise her before i went to work
(Busiest day for both of us)

2nd~ 11/5/2013 .... Together going a short trip to Batam and bought a couple T top

3rd~ 11/6/2013 .... Bought her a couple watch that i bought in KL

4th~ 11/7/2013 .... Bought her a packet of sweets and write her a letter, secretly left on her house table

5th~ 11/8/2013 .... Trips to Batu Pahat, bought her 5 piece of small cake, left it on the study table covered with newspaper cheering her up for the upcoming exam
(This time round she wrote me back a letter) :D

Present and Surprise become lesser & lesser...... Gifts become smaller & smaller & I just hope is not because of the price of the gift matter and is the heart of all those small little gift and things that is expressed on every letter i wrote to her.....

Letter was nothing valuable to you now, but after 20~30years later, u took it out and you recall.... you will realise how precious is all this letter to you :)
Feel it when my Mom suddenly show me all the letter she kept which my both sisters and I wrote to her during her b'day, father b'day,Mother's day & Father's day when we are very young

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Long weekend ~

It was Hari Raya and National day~
Booking out at 12pm on wednesday until monday 8pm ~
HAHA~ Long holidays during army~

What a good news i got when i back home & my mum strike first prize of my bike number at night.
So she pay for all my spending for the Batu Pahat trip ~
Day 1 ~ whole family went to pray and have seafood near the temple
Day 2 ~ Having indian food in the morning and went to UK Goat farm
Keep eating and eating ! HAHAH!!!

Most importantly ..... Something happen on the trip.....
I did something stupid, hurt my girlfriend....
It was on the bus while we all waiting to reach the customs, my gf ask me to accompany her because she is Singapore Passport and will need to form up different row, take longer time to go through the passport counter....But when we reached the customs i saw this empty row counter with the light off and there was no Queue so i went to try if there row is able to go through, then i manage to go through......but.... i forgotten my girlfriend who has left alone behind .....that moment when i look back at her, alone Queuing out there i realise, i break her promise, i leave her alone......  even after she keep saying please while we are on the bus....the excitement displayed on her , her smile, the moment of happiness and joy.... all gone ~ it have all left with a very disappointed and sad expression on her face.....
Seating on the bus to Gelang Patah her face display anger,sadness,disappointment & i did try to say sorry even though i know sorry does not cure...
I never forget she told me this...... " U TRY LOR" ( Leaving her behind alone the long Queue at the custom )
She was very angry..... she..... tears......  :(

Looking at her at the moment i feel so hurt i blame myself why did my memory so bad, why do my reaction so slow? WHY??!!
Just feel disappointed in myself~
Telling myself not to make this kind of mistake again~

Friday, August 2, 2013

Perfection is imperfection!

Scorpio ~ a emotional horoscope, maybe horoscope is true.... I was a emotional person ever since secondary school when the puberty stage start......

What to do? Tweet about it?Nope...Can't... i have a girlfriend now, i cannot be so emotional in social media anymore..... If i tweet, all the friends around her will feel like her boyfriend is a emotional freak & might affect her reputation. So..... what's best? haha...Write it down on the blog where nobody know & express everything out :D

(If there is people like me too ~ Cheer Up! :D Don't let the things make you so moody, slowly accept, it learn it and get over it.... lastly just remember this every time when you are down before you sleep..... Tomorrow will be a better day :)) ~ CHEERS) :D

Every time i think that i am perfect .... but the truth is NOT~
Getting into SEG Club make me know myself better....
Getting into a relationship make me know myself even better....
Always thought that i am a person who will be very considerate,caring , generous, happy-go-lucky, discipline , friendly, gentle, calm person.....
Actually... ALL IS CRAP~ Just realized i am more like a person who acting to be one TODAY!
I am a person who is not really friendly, but i am trying to be one.
Person who is caring, considerate?
I guess all is just fake, i am a super selfish guy which i think about myself first more than others...
Generous? NAH~I just want to use that to gain a new or a better friendship ~
Happy-go-lucky?Maybe.... It is just an act in front of everyone,because i know first impression is important so i will act to be good at first? ~.~
Discipline? Alright it just fail badly......examples: food diet, Self physical training ,etc...
One who always trying to act gentle but actually NOT AT ALL~
Lastly..... a very calm person... which is totally NOT~ i easily get angry, hot tempered when something happened... 

I am so selfish that i only care about myself so much that i neglected my girlfriend feelings for my act.... making her feel bad in front of my groups of friends..... making fun of her in front of my groups of friends...etc
I am very grateful ~ for what I have now...
For who I have you as my girlfriend...
Who treat me so nice, so concern about me, so generous towards me, always trying to understand me, always curious about me, always wanted..... to be with me... & someone who i can really feel the love from :D
Thanks baby~

Whether or not that you will find out this one day, i just want to say this.....
I told you that I am going to be a good boyfriend, I will make it happen one day...
I shouldn't keep having the mindset that you are my first relationship therefore i can make so so so much mistake.....
Baby give me more time ~
Baby don't leave me ~
I need you by my side ~ 
I will keep learning ...keep improving .....keep changing until the stage whereby i am satisfied with myself :)