Saturday, August 24, 2013

My Role as a boyfriend~

I am jealous, I am angry & I think one day I will just explode all this feelings out~
I am jealous of my girl being so close to my friend, time spent more than me, talk more than me.
Whenever talk about him, her expression change, suddenly so enthusiastic to carry on talking, always replied things so fast & confident like she know him so well, understand him so much better than me.
I just wonder if there is people asking about me, did she do that too?

I just felt like she is more happy with him than with me, they do more things compared to me & my girl.
Just met up with my friend, he mention about going F1 with my gf.
I was hot immediately, but i control , i calm myself down while still talking to him.
Try to recall if she have told me she went to F1 with him...... but i guess she have told me before long time ago.So after that, I calm myself down & let all the anger slowly gone~

This is the feeling I feel now but there is one thing over here, that is I do not want to lock her freedom so tight than she cant breath..... I do not want to control her life..
So instead of telling her... i keep this secret & force myself to suck it all up, one more reason is that the guy is really a good one that I used to trust....
But now it just always make me feel suspicious, & a but i believe my gf and my friend can be trust.

It just don't know why, I don't feel the trust in between this r/s ....instead, I am like cheating myself and forcing myself to trust this r/s, believe in her.

Felt bad that she want to accompany me on yesterday and i rejected her & said things that make her replied me saying that she is making unreasonable reason....Sry
Replying those answer just wanted to end the conversation with me ....& etc...
But the real reason is i don't mean any other things & I really want her to study~
Plus we really need to take a break between us due to the stupidity of me mentioning about the signing on thingy to her. Some more I was not explained clearly that have cause her to mislead what I am thinking about...

There is times whereby I care about her, told her....
She felt irritated, she felt frustrated
Always showing that the method she do is correct, she is right
Then answering me that she is stubborn one....etc...
The thing is i really care for you, but you don't bother ,you give me attitude instead~
I hope .....I really hope that she can change this attitude.
Nobody is born to be stubborn in this world but instead everyone are born & to choose if they want to be stubborn or not~
I believe taking people negative comment about yourself don't feel good because me,myself I don't like to hear that too. I felt super offended when people say their comment about me.....
what i can say is.... who like to be judge?

So is your choice to choose to accept & change
To angry with the person and ignore what the person said......

Have you though about this?
Why do people even bother to comment about you,telling you all these?

But after trying & trying, I have chose to be someone like this.....
It will be easier if you were to learn to accept what the person is than to comment,enforcing the person to change to the attitude that you want.Instead of pushing the blame to others, why not you blame yourself & take the initiative to change?

Ever since I got my girlfriend till now I have learnt to not putting blame onto anyone else,instead I should force myself to accept all the negative things about the person & just get over it.
I will try to say for the first few times, i will really try, but once the number of times I have said, make the person irritated & got me, myself tired, unhappiness between the person & me, I will just keep quiet , never mention about it again, suck them all up myself.
Why do I even need to bother if the person don't even care about themselves & treat what I said like as if I just want to find trouble with them?

Guess the reason my girlfriend & I got so sad,disappointment this week is because i suck it all up too much from the start till now.
Hope that the following day will be better each day~ 

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