Monday, December 15, 2014

My undefined moment

It was after field camp, I realise that I have been in denial mode ever since I became commander. I was so motivated so interested to lead my own platoon.
I realise my excuses getting more and more, then it accumulate into some lazy mindset I have.

As a commanders, my laziness made me have this mindset
As a PC, I do not need to always appear in front of my platoon.
Less engagement will somehow make the recruits to respect me more and think that I am busy.
I do things behind their back, feel uncomfortable doing certain things yet I still want to do.
I was rushing for things at the last minute because I think that it is too easy to handle
I came up with my own "lazy" style and wanted to influence people with my lazy style
I do shortcut more than anyone else
I feel uncomfortable to participate in the activity because I am not putting in effort and afraid to let recruits see
I try to avoid and always into a stage whereby I daydream doing nothing
I can't handle stress
I always work overtime
I always start my day without any plans
I keep finding excuses and keep whining for the past few months
I came up own bullshit because of laziness
I always have temporary motivation
I can talk better now, more confident to talk now
I am in doubt of my own ability
I am basically dreaming and MAN-MODE-ING for the entire army life after BMT
I am forgetful and compliance
I became someone who can only talk and no longer confident in doing things now
I no longer cares about my health anymore
I don't find the necessary of getting my IPPT GOLD anymore
I realise I got no pride in anything
I only feel that I am lucky to have what I have now
I felt I wasn't who I am
Huge mess in my mind that could not be cleared up and compose properly
Fail to plan ahead,

After-all I am emotion and I got easily affected

I always tell people what I don't use to do
I realise words are million times easier to say now compare to doing it on your own
I find that I am able to identify my cons but I couldn't change it
I am in my comfort zone till the stage that I no longer is thinking
I wasn't using my brain for the past few years

Self-destruction reflection

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Young memory by my Dad

It was 10 years back when I was still in Primary school
When everything look so beautiful to me when I am Young

Every time when my siblings and I have school holidays, my parents will arrange our holidays by either going back to my Mum's hometown or my Dad's hometown to visit all the relatives that are still staying there. I never forget those wonderful moments whereby we do not need to worry about anything but to keep playing for the whole day :D

Moments where all our cousins are young as well, they take care of us and give us the best regardless of toys, games or food. Wake up in the morning and drive us for breakfast, bought us everywhere around the place to let us try the best food in their town.

When I am young, my family and I stayed in Malaysia except my Dad who is working in Singapore trying his best to give us whatever things he can get in Singapore. He worked in Singapore that is twice the amount in Malaysia and because of him , my family was the most wealthy family among all my Mum's Siblings. Everyone around us envy our life and wanted our life. We own a private Terrance house in Gemas, my mum drove a car and my mum share her wealth among her siblings by giving her siblings children things like clothes, games, food. She enjoyed staying with her siblings and she is always very generous to them. My Dad will always travel once a week or once every 2 weeks to visit us.We live a simple life.
When we want to visit our Dad's hometown, he will take train back and drove us all the way to Ipoh which is about 6 hours ride.

Now the car is stolen and the house is stolen, we live in Singapore. I did regret when I first step into Singapore for holidays then ended up staying in Singapore permanently. But now I felt that I am the lucky one who can stay in Singapore to have the best education system, enter into army, be am officer, enter Uni after serving army. I think if I am in Malaysia, until now I believe I will not be able to experience such a wonderful experience in my life ever.
Most important part here is that every time when we go back to Ipoh which is my Dad's hometown, he will always require to work and are not able to come along with us. Then he will always send us to Golden Mile where we took the bus to Ipoh, he will look at us boarding the bus, he will stay after we boarded the bus , wait for us to settle down then walk around the bus trying to look for us outside the bus, knock on the window, smile to us, wave to us till the stage whereby the bus leave the place, then he leave the place. After that, I will be crying because I don't bare to leave him and my Mum will always prepared the tissue paper and console me.

Today while I was sending my girlfriend off to Malaysia with her friend for a short gateaway trip.
After her friend and her boarded the bus, I turned and was about to leave the place and this memorable memory flash pass my mind and I feel like doing the same thing as what my Dad treat me in the past to my girl.
After today, I realise the sentence " Lead by Example", do affect people around you, it does impact a person and it is important. And I am proud to have my Dad to create this experience to me and allow me to pass it down to my loves one.

To Lead To Excel To Overcome - OCS

How many times do I really apply this in my life?