Back home in the morning

This feeling is strange,I have never know why is that happening.
It was on the way back home around 9 am plus in the morning & I thought I could be able to have breakfast with my dad because usually that's what I really do.
Reached home, opened my house door.I feel so happy back home again & I walked towards my dad room, open the door with a smiley face planning to ask him to have breakfast, but he was not inside.So I went to open my sisters room and hope they are inside, unfortunately nobody was in the room either.I felt disappointed so in the end I went downstairs alone, packed my food & consume at home.
But of course I never blame them, because my dad are taking up two jobs & he is always fighting her life for us ever since me & my siblings was born. My sisters were finally able to relax themselves after 5 working days during the week days, able to meet up with their boyfriend & go dating.

While I was on the way home, suddenly I recalled a tweet by someone, it was a picture of a huge & beautiful bungalow without people at all but just the house living room with a caption of "You cannot buy happiness".
Tears flowing down, and so I recalled...
Reflect..... why?

Reasons that I concluded,
Maybe my mum was not home because usually she will be at home & we talk a lot.She always have unlimited things to tell me, I always will try my best to listen. I felt sad every time when she got so much things to tell me but I have to leave my house due outside activity & left her alone in the house again & again. I am glad there are two dogs whose belong to my younger sister are there to accompany her.

This is the first time, I couldn't really understand why my eyes became so watery & tears flow down my cheek. Usually, I am alone in the house & I am always fine with it. It is only this day that I happened to react this way.

Lesson learnt:
I couldn't able to accept it if one day I done something wrong, my wife & children were to leave me.
I couldn't able to accept it anymore if I am alone again like in the past, single's life
If I am wealthy enough, I really want my family to be as big as possible but my house as small as possible that is enough to sustain that amount of families members in the house so that my house will always very happening & bring joys in the house. Everyone will be more bonded.

Uncleared moment of confusion

This post is about an blur vision in my mind that lead to an uncleared solution that till now it is classified as "X".

I got a friend who is a Man who got $500/month can save $200/month
& me as an officer got $830/month & save $0/month...

What if I am not an officer now?
Getting $500/month?
Will I still able to sustain my relationship with my girlfriend?
Can I still able give her what she want?
What she deserve?
How?

Time = $
$ = Time
-----------------------------
Army = No time = NT
Officer = NT + $
Man = NT + (-$)
(Note that it is a negative showing lesser allowance)
-----------------------------------------------------------
If I decided to sign on:
Officer = NT + (2 x $)

No worries at all
Lump sum of $20,000 that could plan for marriage
Stable income for the future living
High monthly income that could have more
CPF saving + more $ able to save
In addition, your salary increase every year.
Down payment for housing is settled.
Overall, a lot of the time is given out.
~ *NO FREEDOM* ~
-----------------------------------------------------------
If I decided not to sign on:
Civilian = (2 x T) + ($)
(Got $ but need longer time)
Why ?
You & your girlfriend definitely need entertainment, enjoying together
While having that frequently at the moment,
You also need to save $
For marriage & house.
NOW...
Have you consider about giving monthly allowances for your MUM, your DAD?
So now ...
How long you need?
5yrs? 7yrs? 10yrs? 13yrs? 15yrs?
Wife how old already?


Ways to change :




                            BE YOUR OWN BOSS

Reasons:
Earn more $
Possibility to break poverty cycle

Consequences:
Business sustainable & earn profit, live a better life
OR
Business failed result in Bankrupt 

                               OR






                                                 Gambling


Reasons:
Fastest way to earn $
Easiest way to earn $
Possibility to break poverty cycle


Consequences:
INSTANT RICH 
OR
BANKRUPT 
OWN A HUGE DEBT
Lastly.........


                  BANKRUPT + OWN A HUGE DEBT
                 + TIME REPAYING DEBT



So,,,,,
Now the question is

                                                        Will I Going to MAKE IT?


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Please be reminded to read the title again
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Mental Crisis

This post is written at the most tired most bad most negative
Worst negative I am going to say to make me feel better.

Have you ever wonder why does a person who can be so good in everything, yet they committed suicide?
Those students who get so many A's in their final year exam in the end they went suicide?
People who suicide because they couldn't get the courses that they want?

Let me tell you why
It is because the brain couldn't take the stress that they put in themselves anymore
It is because that's the only failure that their mental have faced before
It is because they couldn't accept what they are NOW

There are few type of person :
1- People who are super motivate to do whatever things that they are given to do, the "fire" in them are ultimately strong & sensitive (easily activated)
2- People who only have that "fire" in them only at the critical moment. Example someone who have a family members to rely on, know that he must get this things done by the deadline or he get fired on that day.
3- People who literally have no "fire", they don't really care what's going on around them. One's who don't even motivated or inspired at ALL.

Then now you imagine you are the first type of person who have that ultimately strong "fire" who fully committed to your study, you worked really really very hard & always get what you wanted.
After so much hard work, when you reach the very final exam which will determine if you could get that course or school that you have all along worked so hard for. Your mental success have built up to be so strong, so confident.
The very desperate school or courses that you wanted to get, in the end....
Because of that 1 point
IT DOESN'T GET YOU IN!!!!

WTH!!!.... THAT HUGE IMPACT TO YOUR BRAIN DIRECTLY...
U GOT NO MORE OTHER WAY TO EXPLOSIVELY VENT IT ALL OUT...
So......
In the end... They chose to commit suicide.


Ways to vent that mental stressed out :
1- SEX
2- EAT
3- Exercising
4- Write it out
5- Give up & don't care of that particular things anymore
6- Suicide


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