Friday, September 20, 2013
Last 4th week in BMT
It was on Monday straight after field camp 4 days off~
I manage to get Gold once again & I am satisfied about myself, cleared my all SOC stations for the test as well.FELT LIKE AN ACHIEVEMENT WEEK!!!
Next week will be the final week to do my final decision if I am going to sign on~ (Navy Engineer), I want to be an engineer but I do not know how passionate will it be & how long will it last~
Outside engineering job will be lesser salary no matter what
Higher chance for promotion as to allow new regular to get promoted as well
Cover all spending
All will be guys in engineering field, so no different in navy or private sector
~P/s: Since I do not know what i am going to do in future, then just sign to get in & if only I am not chosen to be in OCS, i will give up signing on.
Thursday night, got a weird dream of my girlfriend smoking(something like see-sha) at some weird area where all the people smoked as well, is not just a normal cigarette but was something more higher level type of cigarette.I was feeling sad, disappointed & I got very pissed off but I did not scold or vent my anger out, instead i am claiming myself down & talk to her nicely~ No sure what i say but was roughly asking her why she smoke & etc......And I got awake from my dream.
When I woke up, I could still feel the pain in my heart, disappointment everywhere inside.
(Couldn't really get what the dream is about)
Predicted I was just missed her until I feel pain inside me ~
A day when i book out~
A day where she was invited & treated to go for the big bang concert & F1.
I am jealous & of course I do, I got angry actually but I am controlling it.
And I got all these things in my mind~
Why do you choose me when there is someone who can give you more happiness than me?
Bring you to eat, places that are new to you, food that you never tried before, be there when you need someone to be, someone who can treat you to event like F1 which ticket costs more than $50 & above?
More happier outing compare to me? More activities compare to me? More wealth than me?
Make you travel so far to look for me instead of me looking for you? A person who is so boring?
But as I said, I couldn't want to totally control over you then you will have no freedom anymore.
Moment that we discuss about $$$, if she was going to pay some or not..... easily go into fight.
Knowing that I am already like shit, with that shitty allowance of 400+?
Said to eat good food once a month, ended up still eating almost every week...
I am fine if I got money to pay,confirm I will be the gentleman to pay for you which what I always do..
She said that if I have $$$ issues one day just tell her, she will help to pay some... but when I mention about allowing her to pay some of the bill, she say that actually by right guy should pay for the entire bill because that's the way of a gentleman....then lastly she say, anyway don't talk about it, no matter how much she is going to pay for the meal,main thing is we two must be happy together to eat & she end the whole topic just like that.
Next, she always tell me not to put money priority so high in my list. But yet with a conclusion of the bill of the meal like this, a yes/no/maybe but not a confirm answer from her?Make me feel like she might be alright but actually she do mind that she need to pay for the meals? So what should i do?
When talking about if I should sign on or not, she say she will support me.... make me felt that if I really signed on, she will be happy because I got more income.
I couldn't know if all these thought was just a moment of anger or what but I have never tell anyone & I really do not know who to tell.... days in army make me learn to keep things to myself because it is more secured than telling anyone else & i guess is because if someone you loved you couldn't trust then there is no one else you can trust anymore.
To be frank, this generation without sufficient money is very hard to get a better life.
I don't know & i guess i really don't know.....I can hold this for how long~
I do I try, my very best to endure to accept to learn whatever it take to become.
Human got this special ability is that we adapt to changes very fast.
I really hope you can become a girl that is so lean,sexy and pretty like a model one day.
All the best~
(Wonder if one couple of our batch & senior breakup was it because of your existence~)
Lastly, I am really a lucky idiot who got the whole family members who are so pamper me.
(Younger sister mention about changing the light in my room because it is old & noisy,her bf do it for me)
Appreciate you all~
3 book in & we will be through! POP!
Time to sleep NIGHTS~