Friday, November 29, 2013

Rush & rush

Got navigation at Mandai camp, saw a lot of the durians & my section went to pick it up & eat ~
Get to fire SAW weapon that is just so cool~
Exercise cocoon was held & it was so lucky that our WC let us stay in our Wing line to sleep compared to other Wing
Do quite a numbers of movement drill & weapon handling test, found it a good challenge & just going to do my best

Not going to say much about army stuff, maybe it will be a little more on thoughts & feel more

Felt that it is scary when you see this person who look normal yet he can suddenly say those things that you never expect him to be, knowledge that he had.....
People will forever to step on you if you never fight back, they will take advantage of you...
You observe people, at the same time do you know that people are also observing you?
I have always underestimated myself, underestimate people
This all got to change -

See people how they reply you, how their face are when they speak, don't blame them , just get use to it & don't be afraid -
Because they used to born to have their expression & etc...
Learn to accept it & continue to do what you think you are right

Nothing is wrong or right if it does not involve any human lives for an exchange~
No matter how good, how bad you are, don't be affected by people who dislike you
Because no matter what you do what you don't do if the person don't like you, means don't like
Just carry on~
Just isolate people who don't appreciate you~

Got back my iphone that was spoil during my graduation, saw the last updated whatsapp twitter....
Was the day I enlisted into National Service
Remind me of my ah ma
Saw those photos of my girl & I  :D
Going to use back my repaired phone! Screen color is so much nicer :)


~Rushing week~

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Ippt/Sat Book out

Fitness got affected by motivation.
Got sliver in my IPPT.
SBJ - 230
Chin-up - 8
2.4km - 10.21 min
Days in OCS don't feel so motivated like in BMT..
Striving to get the motivation back ~

Guess the amount of sleep maybe really affect my performance?
Shall sleep early next week onward.

Got a first warning from my PC because of me not able to do the matador & M203 drill properly,
fall asleep most of the time in lecture.
Going to change it!
I must overcome my blurriness!
I am going to overcome it! I hate the confusion or blur side of me every time for whatever things I do
No confident standing in front of all the audience
Got stay back till sat then can book out, we were sent to the Jurong 2nd link custom few kilometer away from the bridge doing our Matador & M203 live firing ~

Overal in my mind I just hope when the day I bring you to the night~
I could make you feel proud to stand beside me

~ Short & sweet blog for this week
If a day I don't change, I will always remain...
List to do -
1. Able to accept people saying offensive words to me
2. Be more alert
3. Change my lazy mindset
4. Excel in everything i do
5. Overcome whatever shit that make me scared or blur
6. Make it happen!

Price of $200 for the whole set
Very last min before i book in camp I get to sell it away ~

Sunday, November 17, 2013

4th week in OCS

Back from leadership challenge 3D2N camp
Day 1 - build a big tent for a section size group to sleep
Day 2 - Sleep in the jungle alone 

Never forget being reprimanded while i was in deep sleep on the first night, we are not allowed to wear boots & sleep (hygiene).
Woke up with my buddy & we was rushing to take off our boots & get back to sleep.
It was a very fun & exciting experience for the staying in jungle on the 2nd night.
We will only be given a ground sheet & a trash bag we need to build a shelter alone, no longer like in BMT sleeping with buddy under same shelter.
Cut the trash bag into half & use it for me to sleep on.
We will also require to do reflection after we build our shelter in the jungle.
It was a very peaceful to be alone in jungle.
Then we was told to do a section gift, i took a dead fall and crave something for my section

I craved a wood with all the outer rough surface being cut away.
It represent us, we are just a random group of people who were chosen by the MINDEF, dead fall everywhere in jungle..
Reason it is cut into the inner layer, it represent that our relationship, as we know each other better, we will do things more better & smoother ,that's why the surface become smoother & the outer layer is being cut away.
The candle liquid that is form outside the wood represent our swear, the whole wood represent our wing.

I crave very late at night, while i was cutting it, suddenly I though of my girl, thinking that it was our 8months together I couldn't able to get a things for her, so i crave something for her represent us, a wood that crave our date together and a heart shape behind, then ask her to write her name on one side of her love shape & i will write my name on one side of the love shape. Then combine together it represent I <3 her .
So i crave until very late before i went to sleep.

The next day, woke up ....
We were told to fall in down the slope out the jungle on the main road, marching back to wing line.
While we were told to fall in....
My PC called out my name infront of everyone, ask me to look for my section PC later...
Being paranoid of me, I keep thinking what i did yesterday that resulted into this....
The whole journey back to wing line I was thinking & thinking...

After we reached our wing line, we were told to fall in at the training shed within 3 min...
We ran!We rushed!
But we couldn't hit the timing, then we were told to fall in a basketball court within 3 min again~
At this moment, my PC shouted out for me!
"Where OCT ZHI WEI ?","Come look for me now!!",
I ran over & he keep question me, what have i done wrong.... keep asking me to recall & "mind fuck" me..
I think over & over again... asking if it because i sleep too late or I light my candle beside my shelter...
Then he said I did something that causes the platoon PC unhappy about me...
Asked me to run to the court & explain to him & form up together with them...
-Everyone was already in push up position & they are already doing push up few times ....
Then once again I was being question again, "mind-fucked" again, asking me what I did & want me to explain to everyone...
But i tried & try & the answer was wrong...
So he said " Nevermind... now you tell me , how many push up they have done?"
I answer it wrong... someone corrected me that they did 22..
That make me blur, confused & don't know what to do.... felt guilty to make the platoon to do push up because of me "once again"..
So.... while i keep thinking & thinking..
Sir asked me one last time,"So you know why they are being knock-down? "
He continue to say," Nevermind... everyone recover!"

~B'day songs started .... everyone recover & sing b'day song to me..
hahahaha it was a memorable b'day I could get in my camp...
Also that day was the exact b'day date of mine...
Got really surprise & appreciate the mini-celebration of  cake for all the oct/nov people in Sierra wing.

Next.... got my gf angry on sat, reason was same again..
Answer her in a rude way because of her asking me if I wanted to go into that cafe to have our dinner..
The kindness of her resulted in the rudeness of mine , but I appreciate how fast she can forget & forgive me~
I really really feel bad for reacting such attitude towards her...
Got to note it down all the bad things i done & make sure I know what have i done wrong....
Recall & learn from my mistake..
Reflect - I got to know this.. I am tired , my girl also tired but just because of my selfishness I neglected her feeling?
I should learn to know what i am doing, saying no matter what...
Tired = excuse
I will not use it as an excuse for whatever i have done wrong~

(Rushing through post)

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Date out~

I guess this is just fate~
I just realize without her knowing that this morning both of us late was because we were blogging!
Doing the same thing without each other knowing ! 
Actually it is already a good start but didn't get to know~

First time I guess I really use some effort for the itinerary for the outing, I realize this in me
I always limiting myself to move on further
This shall change~

I have been stubborn for too long, it is time to wake up
I have always been blurred, it is time to be awake 
I have always in my comfort zone, it is time to shift to a new zone to stop limiting myself to further move on

I have never been so happy before
An early start of having of such filling & delicious breakfast at marina bay sands
Don't really eat such sophisticated food but it was my girlfriend who make me experience such a perfect meal for the day
Then we went to the Museum, wanting to get a $15/person entry to take a look inside 
But we were lucky there is another opening of Channel brand gallery for us to enter & it is free!
Followed by a shopping in H&M! I didn't expect to find such an affordable price of $79.80 of a long pants & a long sleeve shirt, so I decided to buy it straight! haha
After all the activity until evening time, we went to take a night ride of cable car that cost cheaper for a couple for the ride & a promotion of two coke & a popcorn.
We took all the way to sentosa, back to Harbont tower then to The jewel  to have a dessert to end our day.

The main thing I wanted to say was not about the activity for the day, it is more about the person I am with that have make my day so colorful & wonderful 
I feel so satisfied with the smile on you from the start till the end when i send you home
It had been so long i felt this way
You really make my day, an advance b'day gift like this is enough for me
The biggest gift on Earth was to meet you
To gain a girlfriend which is you
To have that smile on your face 
To feel so loved by you
To be able to love someone that's you

Day have ended pretty well for me tonight & I hope this day will really be a good memory for us
Let it be the day where it really considered as we start fresh once again with the little changes in us!
I only want the number of days being together to keep on going
I will fight till the end 
I believe nothing can stop this spirit in me to end!

Friday, November 8, 2013

Memories are the most precious & only things you can get after all~

It was a good news that i went back home friday night & I heard my Mum strike 4D again!
Haha I guess it was a huge amount of prize she won ~ 5 digits! In RM dollar.

She always posted about the memories with grandmother, I can see she really appreciate her a lot a lot.
She always tell me the funny moment of them together, going out to play together, the days they used to spent together ever since she was young.Whenever they mentioned about when mum was young, I can always see the smile on their face, things that my mum have done, all those silly things when everyone will do when they are young. Haha~ at least they have those good memories spent together.

Ones could leave anytime
Appreciate them
Appreciate the love
Appreciate for all the things they have taught you

Only things they can leave is the memories
Those good moments...
Everyone have their tough moment
Is the tough moment that you went through that make you strong that create those good memories in you

I never expect after 21st b'day, my family still celebrate my B'day.
I got to be back OCS during my B'day, but they did a advance mini-celebration for me.

A&F T-shirt from my elder sister
A lip kiss mark on the Ang Bao of $150 from younger sister
My bike insurance that cost $950 from Dad
Baked caked in a love shaped box from my girlfriend
(Skipped school to specially spend the time baking for me)

Mum bought me a lot of things all the while even it is not my b'day so i didnt expect anything from her ~

I am grateful to have all these things from them
I appreciate
I love them

I know I may look childish when I told you I am jealous, I do mind you going out with another guy solo.
I never forget how angry I was when you told me , "then we shouldn't continue anymore"
You know what i think? I feel?
I felt like, are you saying that our r/s not going to continue anymore?
Because of a stranger in my life who asked you out for dinner?
A stranger of mine that could make us fight?
Someone who worth nothing to me affect someone who worth so much so much to me?
You told me is his be-lated b'day, so you finally accepted to go out with him~

I never forget the past when I am in secondary school friends around me told me this, " hey, you want to ask her out is it? Very easy one, just ask her out on your b'day, your b'day she confirm will come out with you one."
Accepting him to go out is 1X

Then secondly, I felt so so so so so hurtful that you shown no guilty yet happy with him.
Thinking of the past when we are not together
I keep encourage you, just go out with the guy, I will be fine
You feel uncomfortable & guilty after all.
But now you act totally opposite
This is 2X

Followed by the place that you two go
You have went to a place which among so many place we went before it had never been so nice before
So romantic
This is 3X

In total I got 3 times anger in me.
I don't know how it feel like but I really really really want to say it out because I really do not know where should I talk to
I don't like sharing my r/s with another other
Because I believe everyone will teach different way & their style may make mine worst
So I trust only myself & my partner in my r/s

This is the moment of though in my mind
I felt like I am really a boring person who can't satisfy you
I felt like the person is really so interesting or maybe he have successfully flirted you to make you so wanting to go out with him
I felt like I am lost whereby I couldn't angry I couldn't express what I am supposed to & got to act opposite of what my original reaction was
I am really lost but only thing in my mind is I don't want to lost my girl

Reason you can be so claim, at the point of time my mind think was this
Reason you can be so claim is because I don't even want to contact another girl
Don't even want to communicate with another girl
So going out with another girl alone is totally not going to happen at all
With this, how unsecured can you be?

But I am stating this not to make you feel bad
I just want to let you know you are really really important to me
And no one else

I just want to state all these down for my own reference
This is no blame to one another
I learnt from it
My reaction is normal to be like this because I really love you
I find no wrong having such reaction

But I would want to say this,
My feeling of being such a way there is no wrong
Yes I have act opposite of what I am, I did it right!
Because by showing what my original action will make this situation more worst
Well done
I am doing the right thing

Things take time to get adapted to it, we are human
We can be easily change
I believe I can change , it can be done so I find no reason for not facing this challenge
If such a small thing I cant handle then in future how am I given a big task to handle any other things?

I hope I hope...
Someone would enlighten me at that moment, that's all I got to say.

End of the day
Just want to tell you, if you feel hurt reading this?
This is what I was when you are out there.
But I believe this no pain no gain
I want to gain more so I AM GOING TO TELL YOU!


Sunday, November 3, 2013

Finally it is another rest day ~

Result was out~
Posted to Officer Cadet School! As it is all i wanted while i am in BMT.

Day 1 -  Report to SAFTI Warrior's hall 12pm on Monday (21 Oct 2013).
Get whatever items from tekong all to OCS. The place is so big & nice that if one who don't know anything about OCS will think it look like a chalet to them. Got issued to Charlie 2 - Charlie platoon 2. That wing just temporary take us due to the large intake this time round for the common leadership module(clm), their cadet just got commission few weeks back so after clm they won't be taking any cadets till the next intake of cadets next year. The intake on my this batch was around 684 plus.
We had a small parade after we will sorted out into our Wings to take our cadet first bar. We were no longer called Recruit (REC) anymore, we are now named as Officer Cadet Trainee (OCT).
Straight after that parade, I initiated to be the platoon IC.
When we were transferred to our room, we were given some letter regards of the inivation of family on sunday & the car park they got to alight at & we have to write down our address & send that letter back home. In OCS, it is no longer in BMT whereby 16 people sharing one room, it is just 2 person per room & I got a buddy who is Out of Course (OOC) due to the injury of his leg in the 1 week term break. The room look so nice that it just look like chalet, give me a feel like as if there is air-conditional but.... only fan! haha
After we all settled down our items, we will given our OCS PT T-shirt & short & we slow jog tour around the whole SAFTI to let us familiarize the area.
Then lastly, whenever we drink water we got to say out our 8 core values during BMT.
But now in OCS , we got to say more than just that....
This is what we got to say before we drink our water from our bottle, the officers Creed.
Realize it is divided into two part is because we are still a cadets so we have to say three more lines to the Officer creed.
(Non-Commissioned Officers)
We are officer cadet of OCS
To inspire us onward as officer to be
We now state the reverence & respect to the officers creed
(Comssioioned Officers)
I am officers of Singapore Armed Forces
My duty is to lead, to excel & to overcome
I lead my man by example
I answered for their training, morale & discipline
I must excel in everything I do
I serve with pride , honor & integrity
I will overcome adversity with courage, fortitude & determination
I dedicate my life to Singapore

Day 2 - We have a 4 km run & have to pass below the timing of 22 mins & we went to collect our laptop.
Then attend lecture about Singapore History all the way from morning to night, we not only were educated about Singapore History but also some nearby countries around our Island.

Day 3 - Overslept & I got famous in my platoon. By right falling in timing should be 6.00 am but I woke up at 6.17 am, wake up because of all the cadets singing songs while they march outside my window for breakfast, got super shocked yet cooling myself down & thinking that maybe they have all forgotten me then I should just skip through this breakfast time & join them back later, so I went to brush my teeth. Suddenly, one of my platoon mate rushed up & open the toilet door & he asked me " HEY! WHAT YOU DOING?EVERYONE IS BEING PUNISHED DOWN THERE WAITING FOR YOU & YOU STILL BRUSHING YOUR TEETH!!", then having the mindset that every time out the room your room must always be in stand by area condition, so i dashed back & fold my blanket. Then another time, the same guy opened my door & say "HEY WHAT YOU DOING? JUST GO DOWN!". So i rushed down & saw them all doing push up, I kept apology to them & that started the day of my 3rd day.
Next, lecture again all the way, it is a lecture about how do we present ourselves in front of people, in other word it is just a presentation skills. Then people got called up to present in front of all the new cadets in OCS, 5 min to introduced themselves to all & try to use the method he taught to get all of them to their attention. It was a very useful lecture for me, hope I can be a good speaker in future.
Overall for the day, I learnt something. I understand why the room was with 2 person instead of 16 person now. It is because 2 person got more responsibility to wake up on their own compared to 16 person which ones still can rely on one another. The structure of the corridor were also built such a way that you won't be able to know if there is people inside the room or not until you open up the door.

Day 4 - Route march started on the 4th day, it was a 3 km route march with ilbvs around the SAFTI. Then we were send to listen to career talk of Air-force,Navy & Army. We had buffer for dinner & it was a huge mess because everyone was fighting for it due to hunger.It is something new to me because I had never have a buffet in Army. After the dinner, we were back to Warrior's Hall to carry on for the few more hours talk & that mark the day for the night.

Day 5 - We had a commander parade in the morning, I don't know whats the main purpose of the parade, it reminds me of the times in BMT whereby during the adjustment weeks we have a parade too then after that we were just march back to our wings line & carry on our activity for the day. We draw our weapon, we were not like the days in BMT whereby we have a fixed SAR21 weapon, we will just to draw any one of them. Learnt how to use compass, skipped the compass course due to attending some career talk.

Day 6 - Afternoon to night, got to do compass jungle tour which is a course that the instructors will bring us in a jungle that is covered up with a rope all around like a square shape roughly about 200 meter by 200 meter & we have to use our compass to walk from points to points alone in the dark without able to use torch light, getting used to the darkness. I manage to find all the points & I find it super interesting & meaningful to me because I believe in my whole life I am not going to do this activity at my own at all. Who will go to the jungle whereby you have such a nice house to stay? Course was carried out with another wings because i went for the career talk previous day. Knew some female cadets & find those cadets are quite brave to take up army as their career. I remember one of them told me that one of the reason she signed on was because in future if they pregnant, they will be given 4 months to rest at home which is of one month more compared to corporate companies out there, getting monthly salary still while making baby. Then she also mention one things which is quite true is that imagine you were off from the office for so long then suddenly you go back, do you think the company still need you? You were lacked don't know how far behind. After of what they mention, make me feel that these female cadets are very mature to think far & wish them all the best in Army.

Day 7 - It was a invitation of family to OCS, I bought my parents, elder sister & my girlfriend around SAFTI tell them about our SAFTI Tower SAFTI parade, meaning of the building structure as etc. Never forget I got my girlfriend pissed off by answering her in a rude way when she asked me to change to formal to book out. We were given 6 hours to book out to accompany our family & tell them how we do in inside OCS, let them understand more. Then I was disappointed, originally wanted to accompany my girlfriend but due to the way how i answered her make her mood goes down, I just feel like just stay inside camp and not going anywhere because I don't want to make her mood goes down even more, spoil her day, plus it was on Sunday, a weekend of hers. Her mum was going to meet her at JEM for dinner. Can't forget when I told her this line,"Do you want me to go with you later to meet your mum for dinner?If don't want then it is okay I go back to my room & rest.", my heart was so pain that my tears were about to drop because I was a paranoid person I at first though it was because I wear Smart 4, got the smell & was dirty to meet her mum later, she don't like but I was wrong until she told me actually is the way i answered her when she want me to change to formal to book out, her mindset of wanting me to change also is because she felt that i will be more comfortable. Fortunately, she don't get angry with me very long. She was being so kind & understanding that end of the day she allowed me to join her & the day ended well for me & her.

Day 8 - Days getting boring & nothing special .We went for 3 km Route march again. Lecture of Military Law.

Day 9 - The day when we will turned out super early like 4am but I was well prepared for that due to the amount of hours rest they gave us.Usually was 7 hours but they gave us 8 hours of rest so all of them suspect & decided to wake up early to wait for turn out. Went for the confident jump of 10 meter high down a pool with long 4 & running up the stairs to SAFI Tower, the every single steps represent the number of each days in OCS till we commissioned as an Officer. Then we get to watched "Black Hawk Down". Never forget there is a scene when the soldier about to die, his brother trying to wake him up, reminds me of my mum waking my grandma on the bed in Gelang Pata~ I never forget the smile of my grandma until now~
And I think she going to be my motivation, I not going be OOC or whatever, going to do my best to get through this 9 months & to make her feel proud of me. :)

Day 10 - Went to Military Intelligent Interview but due to my citizenship I was not able to signed on unless I got my Singapore citizenship then I am able to. So waste my time in there waiting but it was good that I went & there is one officer who is helping me out about the applying of citizenship during army. Learnt how to deal with smoke attack, wearing the mask & wearing the suits that prevent any gas attack. Interesting that when we drink water we will need to go through that tube to our bottle, amaze by the technology of equipment they used to prevent gas invasion in future.

Day 11 to Day 13
This is the day when we need to study for our exam, never really note down what we did already. Just know that we have to get 80% for Safety exam & 50% for Military Law in order to pass.
I skipped a run of 3 km with ilbvs , so last day I actually were bought with a group of people who skipped any physical activity for a last strength training before we booked out. I was posted to Sierra Platoon 2 for Service Term. My friend of mine were transferred from Alpha Wing to my wing. Felt so happy to see him in the same Wing again like the time in BMT.
Never know what going to happen for this 3 months, but what I can say is I will definitely going to do my best, finding back my motivation like whats in those days during tekong.

Enjoy my weekends book out ~
Going to look forward for every Friday now cause I can book out already, no more confinement anymore!
Not going do any mistake to prevent me to book out every weekends :D
Dreamed of my passed away grandma one night, miss her a lot.
And I miss my family & girlfriend~